GPS and Boys Going Number One

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Originally posted 7-6-2008

Well, we made it back to the Chicago area after a very long ride from NC. All 9 of us loaded up at the crack of dawn yesterday morning determined to get home without making it a two-day affair. We put my husband and three of our boys in one van while myself, my dad, our other two boys and a friend piled into the other.

About an hour into the trip, I radioed my husband on the Nextelbecause we had gotten separated on the Interstate. He was going the wrong way! Hilarious, because he was the one who scoldedme for buying the $200 GPS that guided my vehicle with ease to the right highway! Hee hee hee. Hubby said that it was all our son’s fault who read the map wrong. They added an hour to their trip time. With gas at 4 bucks a gallon, that GPS was lookin‘ pretty sweet to me.

The ride home was uneventful except for the farting contest that my dad had with my teenage son. It was totally deadly. My son was in the very back seat of the van and my dad next to me. They even farted in their sleep! The rest of us thought we would die.

BTW, I do not understand why guys think that the world is their urinal! Where did they get the idea that just because they canpee along side the road, that they should? There is a nice golf course near my home and recently in the middle of the day, I was coming down the road and there was this guy peeing in the ditch with his fancy golf club clutched under his arm. I honked at him and waved! I saw another guy doing the same thing along the road on our trip (and then there was my dad with his “I have a doctor’s permission to pee wherever and whenever I want.”)

So we got to Indiana and exited I65 to take the backroads home and my kid’s friend had to “go”. He said it couldn’t wait. My dad was driving and he spied a clump of trees but opted not to stop there because the shoulder of the road was too narrow. By this time, it was just getting dark out so he pulled over in a farm access road surrounded by fairly tall corn stalks.

So, my kid’s friend, who is 16, btw, gets out of the van and with his back to us, positions himself directly in front of the headlights of the van and let it go. He stood there for three minutes it seemed. The hilarious part was that he didn’t stand off to the side in the darkened corn field, he just went for it in the spotlight. He got back in the van and my dad and I were practically wetting ourselves and crying from laughing so hard.

“What’s so funny?” he asked. We asked him why he went right in the headlights and he said, “Well, I wasn’t going to face the road.” Thank God for that, I said. I also thank God that guys have to sit for their other bathroom activities. Could you imagine? Ugh!

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