Originally posted August 2008
This morning, I got my second mammogram EVER (2 years overdue). I wish that there was an official “U.S. Department of Mammography” to which I could make a few suggestions. I should google it.
If anyone asked me for my advice on how to improve themammo experience, these would be my top 10………..
10. ASK if she has put on any deodorant BEFORE gripping her breasts in a vice, four times (front and side view on each side). Repeating this process once a year is bad enough! Repeating immediately because there is deodorant smearing the image, should be actionable in court.
9. Provide mood music. Something from the Smashing Pumpkins would be great!
8. Place foil wrapped chocolate coins on the gown provided.
7. Roll out a red carpet leading to the screening room with a sign painted on the door, “Nude Photo Shoot In Session.”
6. Offer a large glass of wine!
5. Decorate the room with helium balloons and instruct the woman to inhale deeply and sing “You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman.”
4. When it is over, flash an “Applause” sign to those in the waiting area to thank her for coming.
3. Put fringe tassels on the little sticker things they put on each nipple.
2. Offer a “boobie prize” if she schedules next year’s appointment as she leaves.
1. Remind her that breast cancer is the second leading cause of death in women and that mammography can increase survival rates by 50% in some cases. Early detection is the best chance a woman has for overcoming breast cancer. If you are reading this and are over 40 and have not had a mammo in the last 12 months, don’t wait another minute to call your doctor and get it done. :0)